This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
