Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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