His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
