this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
