i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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