I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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