so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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