I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize