There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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