I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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