Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
