Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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