I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
