Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
