i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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