Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
