The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
