Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
not ubering you a puppy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
