dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
