the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
