My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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