Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
