apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
