life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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