Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
