If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
