I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
