Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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