i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
