WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
