It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
