I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
