you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Randomize