Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
