Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
