I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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