you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
