am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
