Where did you get a picture of my penis
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
