I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
