Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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