do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
