break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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