i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
