He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
