I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
