Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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