The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize