I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
