pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
