Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
