Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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