ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
