glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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