I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
