Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
