The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So here I am, sexting at work.
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