4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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