afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
