I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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