party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
