if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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