I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
