why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
