im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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