What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
