And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
