i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
