I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
