nutella sex= disaster
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
