i barfeds in our rink
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
