Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
