I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
