Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
