I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
