i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
