I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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