I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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