my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
